• Author: J.P.C.
• Editor: B-2331
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 2
• Page Number:
• Date: 5 14 1913
• Tags:
• poetry
• The Umpire

The Editor's Nightmare

"Timmie" lay down on the Press room floor, Having written so much he could write no more And fell asleep with a troubled brain, To dream that he rode on the "UMPIRE'S" train. The engine with ink was red and damp, And dismally lit with a "9th Block" lamp "Big Head," for fuel, was shoveling ‘‘quads" As the engine roared at such fearful odds "Dragon's Blood" filled the boiler near And "Manager Bert'' was the engineer; The passengers made such a motley crew, "Picas' and "capitals," "resin" and "glue." "Right-point" and "ten-point," "wood-cuts" in bags, Engravings of "Fatty" and "Jimmy" and Rags "Yellow" and "Blackie," "Reddy" and "White," Locked all together, a horrible sight. Faster and faster the engine flew; Wilder and wilder the country grew; Louder and louder the ‘‘Gordon" crashed Brighter and brighter the sparks were flashed; Hotter and hotter the air became, ‘Till the clothes were burned from "Boston" frame. Out of the distance a cry of distress— "Blink" with his oilcan had broken the Press But oh, how "Yeap" with might and main, Begged of "Bert" to stop the train. But he capered about and danced in glee, And laughed and joked at their agony. My faithful friends you have done my work, So the damage at hand you cannot shirk. You have roasted the "manager" many the time Then were your chances—now I have mine "Spook's" worked in "zinc"? even my face; "Milton" in satire has given me space. "Ducky the devil" has in the type lied, "Wooden-head'' mocked at me in his false pride. You've paid full fare, so I carry you through, For it's only just that you get your due. For every laborer is worth his hire, So I land you safe in my realm of ire. "Big John" and "Old Joe" will torture you best, And answer your pleas with their stolid word "Yes." Then "Timmy" awoke with an awful cry; His clothes soaked wet and his hair standing high. And he prayed devoutly, in accents loud : To he saved from "Bert"? and The Press Room Crowd. And his crying and praying were not in vain For he never more rode on the ‘UMPIRE's train. J. P. C.