• Author: Mitch
• Editor: B-2331
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 2
• Page Number:
• Date: 5 28 1913
• Tags:
• joke
• raffles

THE PLOT THICKENS. Des Moines Ike, suddenly emerging from the other end of the subway, saw Raffles enter the town of Richmond. Ike needed assistance. He woke up a policeman, and would have been arrested only he showed his star. The cunning Ike and the policeman carried Raffles' foot-print to the ‘"‘Six Little Tailors'' for measurement. Then Ike jumped into the deep shadows of Moyamensing. He was after inspiration. The tintinnabulation of the patrol wagons reminded him of the fact that the farmers were having a picnic in Pitman, New Jersey. With a spring, Ike boarded a Darby car, and, in ten minutes' arrived in Pitman. He whispered to the speaker of the day, and then hid behind the bass drum. The speaker addressed the farmers. Fellow citizens, we have in our midst to-day, a man with a world-wide reputation as a detective; a man who never accepted a bribe. I refer to Des Moines Ike, the great investigator. Everyone in the crowd stopped eating straw, except Omar Stubbles. Lynx-eyed Ike saw Omar and recognized him as a notorious free-holder, as the one who kidnapped Irene, the Burgomaster's daughter. He decided to follow Omar to his lair. When Omar tested all the rainbowish lemonades in town, he started for home Omar's old mare was on strike, and that's why Omar started to walk seven miles inland to his home. Ike crept after him. His knees were still sore from creeping through the subway. Why didn't Omar take a train? Adrianople was taken; Constantinople should be, but no man ever took a train, besides, the trains run through Pitman just to make a short cut to other towns. Ike never lost sight of Omar. When they arrived near a dark patch of woods, Ike made a peculiar noise. Omar turned quickly and, putting hand to hip pocket, pulled out a pork chop. Soon as Ike saw that valuable heirloom he recalled the great ‘‘Stock Yards Robbery.'' Ike thought swiftly. He recognized that Armour plated piece of Radium. At all costs he must recover it. Ike offered Omar ten million dollars for it, Omar reflected a bit and said, ‘‘I have seventeen children to hum and refuse the offer, I am only waiting till meat advances a point, then I'll sell and put seven million dollars in trust for each of my children."' (Continued in next week's edition.)