• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-6591
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 2
• Page Number:
• Date: 7 9 1913
• Tags:
• joke

SAID TO BE FUNNY Let us be thankful for occasional visits from the man who sees the funny side of things. Modesty is a relative term of widely consistent interpretation; as for instance: —Freddie, aged 5, vainly hammers on the bedroom door for admittance, ‘but you mustn't tum in Freddie,''? expostulates Nellie aged 8, from within. ‘I just dot up, an mamma says girls mustn'' let little boys see 'em with their nightie on, but''—and only a moment intervenes when, having solved the problem satisfactorily she adds, ‘‘You can turn in now, I've took it off."MacKentieville now boasts a real blonde "Public Stenographer and Type: writer," who is up-to-the-minute and some peach. Chews gum, smokes cigarettes, and "don't wear any rats in the ‘hair, because there isn't any hair to wear,'' but, the real thing just the same. A Russian singer noticed a man's legs protruding from under his bed recently, while taking an early morning shave. Desiring to notify his wife, in an adjoining room, without alarming the burglar, he calmly stropped his razor, and sang in his native language: "Hear not dear wife, but listen to me, And do not lose your head, Make a break for a cop, as soon as you can, There's a burglar under the bed."' "But is this parrot a good bird? I mean, I hope he doesn't use dreadful language,'' said the purchaser. "isles a saint, lady,'' replied the dealer. ‘‘He sings hymns beautiful. I had some parrots wot used to swear something awful, but, if you'll believe me lady, that bird converted the whole lot." "When I was catching for the New York Giants in nineteen ten,'' said Jingles, ‘‘I had a narrow escape. A. ball just grazed my head."' "Well, there's no danger of that kind now,'' observed Andy, ‘‘for there's nothing there to graze, that's noticeable.'' Hubby—(encouragingly to wife, who is rocking the baby. ) "Remember, Maria, ‘the hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world'."Wife—‘‘Well suppose you come in and rule the world a little while, I'm tired.''