• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-6591
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 2
• Page Number:
• Date: 7 30 1913
• Tags:
• jokes
• inside jokes

SAID TO BE FUNNY Let us be thankful for occasional visits from the man who sees the funny side of things. "Do you darn your husband's socks?" "No, I speak of them a little more profanely." "Is the man your sister's going to marry, rich?" "Naw, every time the marriage is mentioned pa says: ‘poor man!" "Aren't you going to say your prayers, Willie?" "No, I ain't, I'm tired of praying for this family without getting any results." A mouse fell into a pool of wine in Mr. Loan's cellar the other day, and after he had licked himself dry, sprang up the storehouse steps, and yelled, "where is that darned cat that chased me last week?" A taxi cab in Athens is called a polipolytantocinetharmoxaxe. Most people would rather walk than call one. Mr. Morgan—‘‘You are extremely bald, for one of your age." Jingles—"‘Yep, got this way butting into the Library team."' Father (impressively)—‘‘Suppose I should be taken away suddenly what would become of you, my son?" Son—‘‘I'd stay here all right. The question is what would become of you?" "Andy, did you give Henry the best part of that apple, as you were told?" "Yes. I gave him the seeds. He can plant them on his farm and have a whole orchard." "Paw, what is a boy scout?""A woman of thirty, who chases a boy of eighteen, my son."Both boys had been put to bed for being naughty, and when their father came home, mother complained to him about them. The boys heard him coming up the stairway. "Here comes papa," said one. "I'm going to make believe I'm asleep." "I'm not, said the other. I'm going to get up and put on my heavy pants." "So you don't guide hunting parties any more?" "Nope, said the guide."Got tired of being mistook for a deer." "How do you earn your living now?" "Guide fishin' parties. So far, nobody ain't mistook me for a fish."