• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-6591
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 2
• Page Number:
• Date: 8 6 1913
• Tags:
• joke
• inside joke

SAID TO BE FUNNY Let us be thankful for occasional visits from the man who sees the funny side of things. "I wonder if Mabel takes anything for her complexion?" "No, I believe she gives something for it."Servant maid :—(in breathless excitement.) ‘‘Professor, there's a burglar in the dining room." Professor :—(deep in thought.) "Tell him I'm engaged." "I never killed a dawg, but, wanst," said Blink. ‘That was when a big bull dawg bit me on de leg and—‘‘That killed the dog," remarked Timmy, finishing the sentence.Somebody wants to know, why the man who attends the bridegroom at a wedding is called the "‘best man." That's easy. Because he isn't the one getting married. "What passed between yourself and the complainant?" inquired the magistrate. "I think sor," replied O'Brien, ‘it wor six bricks an' a hunk av stone."' "I believe every man should wear clothes to match his hair,''said the Poet. "For instance a black-haired man, should wear black, a brown-haired man, brown, a gray-haired man, gray, and so on." "That's all right,''moaned Jingles, "but, what the deuce would I wear? I'm bald." Dad had been before the judge many times for chicken stealing and finally the magistrate appealed to his father. "Look here, Rastus, this is the fifth time your boy Dad has been in this court and I am tired of seeing him here." "I don't blame yo' jedge,"' said Rastus "I'se tired ob seein him here mah self," replied the old man. "Then why don't you teach him how to act, why don't you show him the right way?' demanded the judge. "Say jedge,"' earnestly replied the old man, "‘I done gone an' show dat boy de right way a dozen times, but somehow he allus git caught wid de chickens on him."