• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-6591
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 2
• Page Number:
• Date: 8 27 1913
• Tags:
• joke
• racist
• inside joke

SAID TO BE FUNNY Let us be thankful for occasional visits from the man who sees the funny side of things. Counsel—Then you think he struck you with malice aforethought? Witness (indignantly)—You can't mix me up like that. I've told you twice he hit me with a brick. There wasn't no mallets nor nothin' of the kind about. Professor Wiegandt—So you want to learn music. What instrument would you prefer to play? Spider—Well, I've always thought I'd like to be a soloist on a cash register. "You don't call yourself purty, do yer?" asked Blink, sarcastically. "I do, when you're around'' replied Yeap. "Lissen to dat will you. Me? Why I took a prize in a beauty show, down to de Zoo, I did,'' boasted Blink. "What you doing with that canary wrapped up in a blanket, and stuck under the bed?" asked the Overseer. "Wouldn't quit singing when I told him, and I've got him in Klondyke," replied John. Ban—‘‘How yo' feelin' ter day, Jawn Henry?" J. H.— "Right peart, t'ank yo' Mis'er Ban, right peart."' Ban—‘‘Ah was talkin' wid de Mayor ‘bout, yo', an' he sez, yo' sho does hol' yo're color well dese warm days." This is a real funny one: Jingles has requested us not to make any further comment on his bald head in this column. "Mrs. Van Million is back from Europe." "And what is she so puffed up about?" "Because she smuggled in two packages of foreign cigarettes." "What's this? I hear you had your face smashed in a barber shop." "You heard wrong. The barber only broke my mug." A squaw's tongue runs faster than the wind's legs. An Indian scalps his enemy, the paleface skins his friends. When a man prays one day and steals six, the Great Spirit thunders and the Evil One laughs.