• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-6591
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 2
• Page Number:
• Date: 9 17 1913
• Tags:
• joke
• racist
• inside joke

SAID TO BE FUNNY Let us be thankful for occasional visits from the man who sees the funny side of things. A bad man's wife sticks up for him. A good man's wife, often sticks him up. "Women are not what they used to be." "No?" "No, they used to be girls."' "Ah'd like to get off next Sunday, Mis' Jane, to go to a fun'ral." "Why this is only Monday, certainly they have not set the day so far ahead?" "Yessum dey has. De man ain't dead yit, but dere aint no hopes." "Why Martha, I'm ashamed of you, certainly there is hope, the very best doctors make mistakes.""Ain't no mistake dis time, dere ain't any hopes, ‘cawse he is gonna git hung Friday, and de fun'ral is Sunday." As a punishment for the infraction of one of the schoolroom rules, Mr. Bonsall sentenced Ike and Yiddisha Sam each to write their names, 500 times. The boys went at it all right, but after a while, Yiddisha Sam entered a protest: "Teachur, tain't fair, I'se got more as to write as Ike, he's only got one wort in his name aber, I'se got two." "Tim" inquired Mr. Riley, glancing up over the door of the post office, "what is the meaning of them letters ‘MDCCCXCVIII?'""They mean eighteen hundred and ninety-eight!" "Tim, don't it strike you that they're carryin' this spellin' reform entoirely too far?" Jingles was busy reading the columns of the Umpire, when he was noticed to lay the paper aside and take off his shoes and socks. He turned the latter inside out, and then put them on again. Mr. Myers, who had been watching him, thought, "Norristown for him," but asked: "Jingles what kind of a trick was that, are you getting ‘em?" "No," replied the hairless one, "‘but, I've been reading some hot stuff in the Umpire, and I had to turn the hose on myself. See?"