• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-6591
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 2
• Page Number:
• Date: 10 22 1913
• Tags:
• joke
• racist
• inside joke

SAID TO BE FUNNY Let us be thankful for occasional visits from the man who sees the funny side of things. Old Lady—‘‘I don't believe this sure-cure tonic is a-goin' to do me any good." FRIEND—‘‘It's highly spoken of in the papers."' Old Lady—‘ Yes; but I've taken forty-seven bottles, and I don't feel a bit better. I tell you what it is, Sarah, I'm beginning to think these editors don't know everything." "Dad" was brought before a police judge charged with stealing chickens. He pleaded guilty and received sentence, when the judge asked him how it was he managed to lift those chickens right under the window of the owner's house when there was a dog in the yard. "Hit wouldn't be no use, judge," said ‘‘Dad," "to try to'splane dis ting to you all. Ef you was to try it you like as not would get yer hide full o' shot an' get no chickens, nuther. Ef you want to engage in any rascality, judge, yo' bettah stick to de bench, where yo' am familiar." Blink says he spent the summer on the boardwalk. Yep, railroad ties. "Dead men tell no tales." This may explain why so many widows marry a second time. "I hear you married a woman with an independent fortune." "No, I married a fortune with an independent woman." "I had a tough time delivering the mail yesterday," declared the parcel postman. "How was that?" "Had a bulldog and a chunk of liver in the same delivery." "What became of that Russian count who insulted you ?" "He choked to death." "How did that happen ?" "I made him swallow his words ?" "Why did you break into the house in the middle of the day ?" asked the magistrate. "Well," said the accused, "I had several other similar calls to make that evening." "Do animals possess the sentiment of affection ?" asked the school-teacher of the little girl. "Yeth, ma'am; almost always.""Good," said the teacher; "and now," turning to a little boy, ‘‘tell me what animal has the greatest natural fondness for man." "Woman," yelled the boy very promptly.