• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-6591
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 2
• Page Number:
• Date: 10 29 1913
• Tags:
• joke
• inside joke

SAID TO BE FUNNY Let us be thankful for occasional visits from the man who sees the funny side of things. Mr. Bonsall—‘‘What is a vacuum ?" Yiddisha Sam—‘I knows, teechur, I got him in mine head, aber I can't dink by him." Yes sir, a dentist is one who pulls the teeth of others to obtain employment for his own. And a doctor is one who pulls the leg of somebody else to buy an automobile for a trained nurse. "So you claim to be a literary man, eh?" "Yes, sir, I wrote the book: ‘A dozen Ways to Make a Living."' "And yet you are begging." "Yes, sir, that's one of the ways." Man wants but little here below, But when it comes to dress, A walk abroad will quickly show, That a woman wants still less. Yeap— "I see where a fellow got a quarter of a million insurance on $200 worth of furniture." Blink—"Dat's nuthin', Ducky's got $25,000 insurance on a thirty cent life." Mabel having finally completed her toilet to her own satisfaction, sailed into the parlor, and was horrified to see her younger sister, snugly seated on the lap of the young man, with her head comfortably resting upon his shoulder. "Why Ethel, I am shocked; get down from there instantly." "O won't," said the young lady, "I got up here first." She was a lady visitor to the prison, kindly and well meaning, and as she chatted with a burglar she thought she detected signs of reform in him. ‘‘And now," she said, "have you any plans for the future at the expiration of your sentence?" "Oh, yes, ma'am," he said hopefully. "I've got the plans of two banks and a post office." "I can't live without you, Sadie," fervently declared Blink. "Don't you mean, Blink," replied Sadie, "that you cannot live as you'd like without me?"