• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-6591
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 2
• Page Number:
• Date: 11 5 1913
• Tags:
• joke
• inside joke

SAID TO BE FUNNY Let us be thankful for occasional visits from the man who sees the funny side of things. "I wonder how Mabel manages to keep her complexion." "Oh, she just puts it in a cool place, tightly corked." Ducky—"Yes, Blink is a man of many parts." Yeap—"I don't doubt it, but a good many of the parts are missing." "So her husband is dead. Did he leave her much?" "Why yes, most every night." Adam—"What are you doing to that fig-leaf Eve—""Altering it, of course; it's all out of style." "Your hair's getting thin, sir. Let me sell—""That's all right. I put something on it every morning." "May I ask what you put on it, sir?" "My hat!" Heirs of great men all remind us, We may make a million too; And in passing leave behind us, Fools to spend it as they do. "I've got a good joke on that dentist,'' said Jimmy. "Let us have it," said John."Why, after yankin' me around for an hour, doggone if he didn't pull the wrong tooth." A French teacher placed the following advertisement in a local paper: Pupils Wanted—Mlle. Marcotteau respectfully announces that she wishes to show her tongue to the Americans. Two peddlers on a country road, one summer night, engaged in an argument as to whether the moon they saw in the sky was a new moon, or a full moon. Being unable to agree, they stopped an Irishman who came trudging along the road in the opposite direction, and put the question to him for settlement. Pat looked up at the moon, looked at the pedlers, scratched his head, and then said: "Begorra I'm a stranger in the country meself." He was a hard-looking ruffian, but his counsel, in a voice husky with emotion, addressed the jury. "Gentlemen," said he, "my client was driven by want of food to take the small sum of money. All that he wanted was sufficient money to buy food for his little ones. Evidence of this lies in the fact that he didn't take a pocketbook, containing fifty dollars in bills, that was lying in the room." The counsel paused for a moment, and the silence was interrupted by a sob of the prisoner. "Why do you weep?" asked the Judge. "Because," replied the prisoner, "I didn't see that pocketbook."