• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-6591
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 2
• Page Number:
• Date: 11 26 1913
• Tags:
• joke
• inside joke
• racist

ENTREES "Hullo Ducky! Got a new overcoat, I see; what did it cost you?" "Six mon'ts. I ain't no chep guy, I ain't." "I know the tango and the turkey trot, but what is this St. Vitus?" "It's the one you do with the trained nurse." "Professor, I would like to learn to play the cornet," said Spider. "H'm. Have you any qualifications?" "Sure, I got two lungs." Blink says "opportunity" never knocked him but once, and then she knocked him down, and he hasn't got up since. Ban J—" Mister Bish-up, please suh, gimme one of dem turkey fedders outen de duster, and mn I sho' will make a Thanksgibin' dinna"Jerry trilled a bar from the "Trail of the Lonesome Pine," and then remarked with a great deal of complacency. "that's harmony, that is." "Agony, you mean," retorted Jimmy. "What's the first street car line below Market?" "Chestnut." "Nix, the Subway." "Don't you think that athletics in school make a boy strong?" "Well they haven't made my boy strong enough to bring up a hod of coal." The curate of a fashionable church was endeavoring to teach the significance of white to a Sunday-school class. "Why," said he, "does a bride invariably desire to be clothed in white at her marriage?" As no one answered he explained. ‘‘White," said he, stands for joy, and the wedding day is the most joyous occasion of a woman's life." A small boy queried: "Why do the men all wear black?" A funny incident was related to me by a reverend gentleman in a Western town, of an Irishman who was a member of his congregation. One Sunday, during a very cold winter, the coal got extremely low and the donations were coming in very slow, so the minister took the occasion to remind the members of the church that they must have coal during the following week, and said they must raise at least $75 for that purpose. When the minister was going home after the service was over, he was overtaken by the little old Irishman who commenced to talk about the money that was to be raised for coal, and he looked at the minister in a knowing way, winked one eye and said, "That was a great bluff you was giving the people today about getting coal when ye know darn well the church is hated by steam."