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Said To Be Funny

  • Author: Unknown
  • Editor: B-6591
  • Newspaper: The Umpire volume 2
  • Page Number:
  • Date: 12 3 1913
  • Tags:
  • joke
  • inside joke

SAID TO BE FUNNY Mr. Giordiano says, that after his Thanksgiving Day dinner he was not in a condition to even say ‘"‘gobble, gobble." Mrs. Jingles—(indignantly) You don't seem to like my pot-pie? Mr. Jingles—(reminiscently) No, pot-pie is associated with the result of one of the gravest mistakes of my life. Blink—(to barkeep.) Do you serve lobsters here ? Barkeep.—Sure, what'll you have? Yeap—Are you quite sure this suit won't shrink when it gets wet? Rabbi—Mein frendt, every fire gompany in de city has squirted water on dot suit. A bundle on the end of a stick is a pretty sure sign that the man who carries it, has lost his grip. "What's the matter little boy?" "Maw's gone and drownded all the little kittens." "Dear, dear! Now that's to bad." "Yep, an' she p-promised—boo-hoo-that I cud do it." Mabel's little brother—Do you love my sister Mable? Mabel's "‘Steady'"—Why Willie, what a question. Why do you want to know? Mabel's little brother—She said last night, she'd give a dollar to know, and I want to scoop it in. "Run upstairs, Jerry, and bring baby's nightgown." "Don't want to," said Jerry. "Oh, Jerry. If you are not kind to your new little sister, she'll put on her wings and fly back to Heaven." "Well, let the kid put on her wings and fly upstairs and git her own night gown." When little Willie's mother opened the door to the minister her face beamed with joy and welcome, in spite of the fact that it was washing day. "This is a real pleasure, sir," she began. I've been wanting to thank you for the good you've done our Willie by your evening classes. Home's as different again since he attended the plumbing and gas fitting class!" "This is indeed gratifying—very!'' said the vicar. "Now, what improvement have you noticed especially in little Willie of late?" "Well he has arranged our penny-in-the-slot gas meter so that we get our gas for nothing. You see, he's moved it from the kitchen to outside the front door, sir." "But, you still have to put your pennies in the slot, my good woman!" "Ah, but you see, sir, before he put the meter in the street our Willie wrote ‘chocolates' over the slot!"