• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-6591
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 2
• Page Number:
• Date: 12 10 1913
• Tags:
• joke

SAID TO BE FUNNY "This picture" said Jonah, "is one I painted to keep the wolf from the door." "Indeed," said Doc, "then why don't you hang it on the doorknob, so the wolf can see it?"Magistrate—You are charged with being drunk and disorderly ; what is your name? "Blink, the Printer, yer Honor." Magistrate—H'uh. Who paid for your liquor?"Now boys" said Mr. Bonsal, "What must we do before our sins are forgiven?" "I know, Teechur, dot's a easy vun," said Yiddisha Sam, "ve must do furst, a sin."Mr. Bonsal—Here is another one. If a bricklayer gets $4 for working eight hours a day, what would he get if he worked ten hours a day? Little Ike—He'd git Hail Columbia frum de Labor Union. Magistrate—Didn't I tell you the last time you were here, that I didn't want you to ever come before me again? Quig—Yes sir, that's what I told the policeman, but the doggone chump wouldn't believe me."Just to think Jerry, you have now got a nice brand new little brother and sister to play with." "Well the kid brother is all right, but say, let's trade off the girl for an express wagon." He (nervously)—Margaret, there's been something trembling on my lips for months and months. SHE—Yes, so I see. Why don't you shave it off ? "You were shooting this morning ?" asked Smith. "Yes, I had to kill my dog." "Was he mad," asked Smith. "Well," said Jones, "he didn't seem any too well pleased." answered Jones. When Yeap first enlisted to fight the Spaniards, he was of course put in the awkward squad. During drill, one day, blank cartridges were distributed, and the new recruits were instructed to load their pieces and stand at the "ready." The sergeant then gave the order to "fire at will." Everybody pulled the triggers of their rifles, excepting Yeap, who looked around at the different faces, and then asked: "Which one Will?" B 6290 says: Recently two gentleman by the name of Wood and Stone were escorted by Mr. B. through this institution. While passing through the yard, they encountered a beautiful blonde, attired in a slashed skirt. Mr. Wood turned to Stone ; Stone turned to Wood, and then they all turned to rubber.