• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-6591
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 2
• Page Number:
• Date: 12 17 1913
• Tags:
• joke

SAID TO BE FUNNY "Poet can sing ‘Il Trovatore' in five sharps." "That's nothing, the Corsican Brothers sang it in six flats and had to move each time.""Seven years ago," remarked Blink, "I arrived in this town with only a dollar, and it is here I got my first start." "Indeed, you must have invested very wisely. What did you do with your first dollar?" "Wired home for money." "Are you the same man who ate my mince pie last week?" "No ma'm I will never be the same man again." "Jerry, if you eat any more of that pot-pie you will get sick, and we will have to send for the Doctor." "All right. Let's have another slab, and then send for the Doctor." A whisper from "Rocky:" I'm gonna go down to the Warden's house, And swipe his brand new Winter blouse. His nice white cap, his trousers too, Before I make the grand skiddoo. Mrs. Knicker—Is your husband hard to get along with? Mrs. Bocker—Very. If I give him a poor dinner he wants a divorce, and if I give him a good dinner he calls it lobbying. A young lady telephone operator recently attended a watch-night service and fell asleep during the sermon. At the close the preacher said: "We will now sing hymn number three forty-one —three forty-one." The young lady just waking in time to hear the number, yawned and said: "The line is busy. Please call again." "Do you act toward your wife as you did before you married her?" "Exactly. I remember just how I used to hang over the fence in front of her house and gaze at her shadow on the curtain—afraid to go in. And I act the same way now when I get home late." Willie, aged four, crawled into the crib of his little brother, Philip, the other morning and fairly smothered him with endearments. "Oh, Philip, Philip," he murmured. "I love you so much I could murder you." The next morning there was a repetition of the previous scene. Little Philip stood it as long as he was able and then cried out; "Huh, huh; what's this, another murder?" It was Sunday, and two small boys were industriously digging in a vacant lot, when a man who was passing stopped to give them a lecture. "Don't you know that it is a sin to dig on Sunday unless it be a case of necessity?" asked the good man. "Yes sir," timidly replied one of the boys. "Then, why don't you stop it?" "Cause this is a case of necessity,' replied the little philosopher. "A fellow can't fish without bait."