Established 2023

Said To Be Funny

  • Author: Unknown
  • Editor: B-6591
  • Newspaper: The Umpire volume 2
  • Page Number:
  • Date: 12 24 1913
  • Tags:
  • joke

SAID TO BE FUNNY "I've written a letter to Santa Claus, and told him just what I want, and I believe I've covered everything," said little Willie. "What did you ask for," said his mother. "Two toy shops and a candy store." "Did you come out well on Christmas, Jerry?" "You bet, I did. I got more than any of the other guys." "How was that?" "I got up two hours earlier than they did." Mr. Bonsall—What's the shape of the earth? Little Ike—Round. Mr. B —How do you know it's round? Little Ike—All right, it's square then. I don't want to start no argument. A girl was complaining to her chum just before Christmas of the way her "young man" was treating her. "Speaking of Christmas presents, why don't you give him the mitten?" the friend asked. "It isn't a mitten he needs, it's a pair of socks; he's got cold feet." "Before we were married, Henry," said the young wife reproachfully, "you always gave me the most beautiful Christmas presents. Do you remember?" "Sure," said Henry cheerfully; "but, my dear, did you ever hear of a fisherman giving bait to a fish after he had caught it?" Mrs. Black woke her husband one night and whispered: "Larry, there's a burglar in the parlor! He just bumped against the piano and struck several keys." "Is that so?" said Larry, "I'll go right down there." "Oh, Larry," whispered the excited wife, "don't do anything rash!" "Rash! " replied the husband. "Why I'm going to help him. You don't suppose he can move that piano from the house without assistance, do you?" "That looks like some crib to crack," said the first burglar to his pal as they passed a suburban mansion. "None o'that for me," said the pal. "One of the biggest grafters in the United States lives there." "How do you know that?" asked the first burglar. "I broke in there once and he caught me wit' the goods on," said the pal. "I had to pay him fifteen dollars to let me go." "I am glad to see you home, Johnny," said the father to his small son who had been away at school, but who was now home on his Christmas vacation. "How are you getting on at school?" "Fine," said Johnny. "I have learned to say ‘Thank you' and ‘If you please' in French." "Good!" said the father. "That's more than you ever learned to say in English."