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Said To Be Funny

  • Author: Unknown
  • Editor: B-6591
  • Newspaper: The Umpire volume 2
  • Page Number:
  • Date: 12 31 1913
  • Tags:
  • joke
  • racist
  • inside joke

SAID TO BE FUNNY Bill—Where are you working now Mac? Mac—I ain't working: I got a State job. Mr. B. (at the kennels.) Don't go yet, it will soon be time to feed the dogs. Blink—Thank you, but I had my dinner before I came in. B 5506—Excuse me Mr. Scott for stepping on your feet. Mr. Scott—Don't mention it; I walk on them myself. Otto—They say that money talks, but the only words it says to me is "goodbye. Mr. Bonsall, during a geography lesson, remarked that the population of China is so great, that every time we breathe, two Chinamen die. An instant later he was astonished to see Dick, the janitor puffing and blowing at a rate to threaten disaster, and he anxiously inquired: "What are you trying to do Dick?" "Nuttin' sir, only killin' Chinamen, I never liked 'em no how." Doctor (to Night Hawk)—-Remember that man in 74 is failing rapidly, and we must keep him up as long as we can. Night Hawk—Sure, and that's what I'm doin'. I haven't let him have a wink of sleep fur two weeks. Mr. Loan—So you want to work in the storehouse, eh? Well I want a good boy to work partly indoors and partly outdoors. Jerry—That sounds good, but say, what happens to me when the door slams? Conversation between two Swedish servants recently overheard: "How are you, Hilda?" "I well, I like my job. We got cremated cellar, cemetery plumbing, elastic lights and a hoosit." "What's a ‘hoosit,' Hilda?" "Oh, a bell rings. You put a thing to your ear, and say, ‘Hello,' and some say ‘Hello,' and you say ‘Hoosit." Little Ike had just returned home after a "fierce" day in school. "Well" said his father, "what did you learn in school today that impressed you the most." And little Ike replied: "Dat I need a pair of trousers wid a padded seat." Poet tried for an hour to get a good picture of Jimmy, and after a dozen unsuccessful efforts to have him keep still, told him he had better try a moving picture studio. Perhaps some jokes are old, And should be on the shelf. But if you know some better ones Send in a few yourself. —B 5649