• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-7413
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 5
• Page Number:
• Date: 2 9 1916
• Tags:
• joke

IN LIGHTER VEIN "I tell you," said the globe-trotter, "travel is a great thing. If there is anything in a man travel will bring it out." "Yes," said his pale, newly landed friend: "especially ocean travel." ***Aunt Eliza came up the walk and said to her small nephew: "Good morning, Willie. Is your mother in?" "Sure she's in," replied Willie truculently. "D'you s‘pose I'd be workin in the garden on Saturday morning if she wasn't? ***The curious pedestrian stopped where a man was working in his garden, and, wishing to. be friendly, he said: "I say, my friend, how deep is your lot?" The man looked up from his work. "I really don't know, stranger," he said, "I never dug down far enough to find out." ***An Englishman and an American were standing before the wonders of the Victorian Falls, in dark Africa, when the Englishman said: "Surely you must concede that these falls are far grander than. your Niagara Falls." "What?', replied the American; ‘compare these to our Niagara Falls."? Why, man alive, they are a mere perspiration." ***He was not what one might call "manly," and she had suspected it, so she tried it on: "If there were a war I presume, you would go to arms for your country?" "No," he said, "I shouldn't like to do that." "Why not?" she asked. "Well he said, "they are so careless in their shooting." ***When Sister's beau comes Sunday nights We always turn on all the lights: And Ma and Pa and Sis and me, We entertain the company. He sits across the room from Sis. Like This. Our bedtime's nine o'clock, you know (I just pretend, but do not go); The lights they seem too strong for him, And so they turn 'em awful dim; And he sits on the couch with Sis, Like this. ***The colored defendant, who was being tried on a charge of keeping a dog without a license, tried repeatedly to interrupt the legal proceedings, but each time was sternly silenced by the Court. Finally the Judge turned to him. "Do you want the Court to understand," he said, "that you refuse to renew your dog license?" "Yessah, but——" "We want no ‘buts.' You must renew the license or be fined. You know that it expired on January first, don't you?" "Yessah; but so did de dog, sah."