• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-7413
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 5
• Page Number:
• Date: 3 1 1916
• Tags:
• joke

IN LIGHTER VEIN "Is Alice musical?" "No, but she always sings if you ask her." ***From a small boy's letter to his chum: "You know Bob Jones' neck? Well he fell in the river up to it." ***Pat—I hear you and the boys struck for shorter hours. Did you get ‘em? Mike—Sure. We're not working at all now. ***The Music Student—That piece you have just played is by Mozart, isn't it? The Hurdy-Gurdy Man—No; by Handel. ***In the wee hours of the morn, the suburbanite got off the train at the home station. Going to the telegraph-office, he sent this message: "Will not be at office today. Am not home yesterday yet." ***Agent—Can I interest you in a vacuum cleaner, madam? Housewife—No. My husband gets shampoohed at the barbers. ***He—You don't seem to take our engagement seriously. She—Of course not. If I had I would not have engaged myself to you. ***"When water becomes ice," asked the teacher, "what is the great change that takes place?" "The greatest change ma'am," little boy, "is the change in price." ***"Yes," he remarked, stretching himself lazily in the one really comfortable chair in the commercial room. The story is from Fun? "I'm the youngest child of a very big family." "How many of you are there?" asked a fellow knight of the road "Well," replied the lazy one, "three of my brothers are dead, but there were ten of us boys and each of us had a sister." "What!" gasped the questioner, Do you mean to say that there were twenty of you?" "Dear, dear, no—only eleven." ***William did not shine as a student, and his reports clearly proved this, yet he insisted to his mother that he was right at the top of his class. "You see," he explained when one of his reports was under scrutiny, "that ‘E' is for ‘excellent' and that ‘D' is for ‘dandy.'" "But," persisted his mother, "the little girl across the the street gets almost ‘A's on her reports." "Well, mother," responded the boy, to give her away, but that ‘A' stands for ‘awful'" And it is said that he got away with it.