• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-7413
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 5
• Page Number:
• Date: 3 8 1916
• Tags:
• joke

IN LIGHTER VEIN "What is the definition of a kiss?" asked the teacher of a girl at class. "I should say it was a noun—both common and proper." ***"Do you darn your husband's socks?" asked Mrs. Higgins of Mrs. Smith. "Darn them?" echoed Mrs. Smith. dear, I use a stronger word than that." ***"Every time the baby looks into my face he smiles," said Mr. Meekins. "Well," answered his wife, "it may not be exactly polite, but it shows he has a sense of humor." ***"So this is your studio?" "As you see." "But it is very cold here." "Yes," said the artist, "just now I am painting a frieze." ***Small Girl; Why doesn't baby talk, Father? Father: He can't talk yet, dear. Young babies never do. Small Girl: Oh, yes, they do. Job did. Nurse read to me out of the Bible how Job cursed the day he was born! ***"I fancy last night finished my reputation," said young Harold as his friend looked him up the night after the ball. "Finished you?" asked the friend. "Why, not at all, man. Haven't you seen this morning's papers? You're the social hero; everybody thinks you have invented a new dance." ***It was the first time that the polite little girl had been on a visit alone, and papa had carefully instructed, her as to how she should behave."Now," he had said, ‘if they ask you to dine with them, you must say: ‘No, thank you, I have already dined.'"It turned out just as papa had anticipated. "Come, Marjorie," her little friend's father had said: you must stay and have a bite with us." "No, thank you," said the small miss with dignity; "I have already bitten." ***To his little native town a busy city man recently returned for a visit. As he had not seen the place nor its people for a long time he was kept busy greeting old friends. Among those whom he encountered was an elderly spinster, who beamed upon him with: "Oh Mr. Smith! I am sure you don't remember me!" "Remember you!" gallantly exclaimed the city man, quite carried away by his wish to be friendly. "As if I could forget you, Miss, Dixon! Why you are one of the landmarks of the old town!"