• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-7413
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 5
• Page Number:
• Date: 3 22 1916
• Tags:
• joke

IN LIGHTER VEIN The gas range killed the stovepipe joke, but we got a new crop with the fireless cooker. Wile—"I almost cry when I think I might have married Mr. Richleigh." Hub—"And I almost cry, too, when I think about it." Miss Howler—"Did my voice fill the drawing room?" Mr. Rood—"No; it filled the refreshment room and conservatory." "Won't you please croak like a frog, Grandfather?" asked Willie. "Croak like a frog?" asked the bewildered grandfather; "why, little man?" "Because I heard Daddy say that when you croaked we would get five thousand dollars." "How many children have you?2" census-taker."The man addressed removed the pipe from his mouth, scratched his head, thought it over. a moment, and then replied: "Five— four living and one married." "Oi'll work no more for that man Dolan." "An' why?" "Shure, an' 'tis on account av a remark he made." "An' phwat was that?" "Says he, ‘Casey,' says he, ‘ye're discharged." "Are you still taking a cold plunge every morning?" "No; I quit doing that to save time." "Why, a cold plunge doesn't take more than a minute or two." "I know but I used to spend three-quarters of an hour curled up in bed hesitating." The friends of two American celebrities, one a stutterer and the other somewhat deaf, succeeded after much manoeuvering in getting them to meet, and the event aroused considerable unholy glee. Some time thereafter the stutterer was asked how the interview passed off. "Oh, w-we g-g-got along f-f-finely!" he stammered. "I c-c-couldn't t-t-talk, and s-s-she c-c-c-couldn't h-h-hear me." "You two look very happy," said a young fellow, stopping in front of a couch where a pretty young girl and her sweetheart were sitting. "Do we?" replied the girl. moving-over to make room for him beside her. "Won't. you join us?" "Sorry I can't, but I am not a minister," was the reply.