• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-7413
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 5
• Page Number:
• Date: 4 12 1916
• Tags:
• joke

IN LIGHTER VEIN "John," asked Mary, "what is a synonym?" "Synonym," said John, "is the word you use when you can't spell the other one " "Do I understand," said the irate parent, "that there is some idiotic affair between you and that impecunious young Dedbroke?,' "Not very much, Papa," replied his daughter sweetly, "only you.""John," she said, as he settled down for his after-dinner smoke, "I've got a lot of things I want to talk to you about——" "Good," said her husband affably, "I'm glad to hear it. Usually you want to talk to me about a lot of things you haven't got." A band had been formed at a Western Normal School, and, as is frequent in such cases, there was not enough money at first for complete uniforms. However the following notice in the school paper created quite a sensation: The Normal Schoo! band uniforms will consist of a cap and coat at first, with the probable addition of trousers at a later date. Pat was hard at work in the Baldwin Locomotive Works when the foreman on his rounds stopped and eyed him sternly. "Did yez not receive a letther from me, sayin yez was foired?" he demanded. "Oi received a letther," answered Pat calmly. "Th' insoid says Oi was foired, but th' outside says ‘Return in 5 days to Baldwins's', so Oi'm back." "Now," said the professor in the medical college, "if a person in good health, but who imagined himself sick, should send for you, what would you do?" "I" said a student, "would give him something to make him sick, and then administer an antidote." "Don't waste any more time here, young man," said the teacher, "but begin practice at once." The teacher wanted some plums in order to give an object lesson during school hours, and, calling one of the small boys, she gave him ten cents and dispatched him to a fruit stand down on the corner. "Before you buy the plums, Willie,' she cautioned, "you had better pinch one or two to make sure they are ripe." Little Willie flitted away. Soon he came back and smilingly put the bag on the teacher's desk. "Oh, thank you, Willie," said the teacher, taking up the bag. "Did you pinch one or two as I told you to do?" "Did I?" was the gleeful response. ‘I pinched tha whole bagful and here's your ten cents."