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Borrowed Mirth

  • Author: Unknown
  • Editor: B-7413
  • Newspaper: The Umpire volume 5
  • Page Number:
  • Date: 5 17 1916
  • Tags:
  • joke

BORROWED MIRTH Jones—Does he belong to the four hundred? Smith—Yes; he's one of the ciphers, "Pa, why is it that dentists call their offices dental parlors?" "Because they are drawing-rooms, my son." Sleigh—I see he writes typewritten letters to his lady. Spy—Sure—she's taken up studying character by handwriting. Bill—I read as ‘ow hat ‘ere ‘Indenburg ‘as got an English wife Alf—Ah, that accounts for ‘is fightin' like ‘e does Binks—Shafer, do you know that woman across the street? Shafer—She certainly looks familiar. Let me see. It's my wife's new dress, my mother-in-law's parasol—sure. It's our cook!" "You take a great deal of pleasure in your motor car." "Yes, replied Mr. Chuggins "It takes my mind off many of my troubles. I'm so busy thinking about the price of gasoline that I no longer pay any attention to the high cost of living. A young mother who still considers marcel waves the most fashionable way of dressing the hair was at work. The precocious child was crouched on its fathers lap, the baby fingers now and then sliding over the smooth and glossy pate which is father's. "No waves for you, father," remarked the little one. "You're all beach." A member of the corps of the British Legation said at a dinner in New York: "Some funny stories come from the front about our volunteer army. Two young swells in the uniform of private soldiers were overheard by an officer conversing in a trench. "I was intended for the ministry,' the first said. ‘Believe me or not, old chap, I was on the point of being ordained last August.' "I say! And what stopped you, then?" inquired the other. "This—war, of course,' was the reply." The man who had made a huge fortune was speaking a few words to a number of students at a business class. Of course, the main theme of his address was himself. "All my success in life, all my tremendous financial prestige," he said proudly, "I owe to one thing alone —pluck. Just take that for your motto—pluck, pluck, pluck! He made an impressive pause here, but the effect was ruined by one student, who asked impressively; "Yes, sir; but how are we to find the right people to pluck?"