Established 2023

Borrowed Mirth

  • Author: Unknown
  • Editor: B-7413
  • Newspaper: The Umpire volume 5
  • Page Number:
  • Date: 5 24 1916
  • Tags:
  • joke

BORROWED MIRTH Wife—O, George, you've broken your promise! Husband—Never mind, dearie; I'll make you another, "What's the matter, Bobbie?" "Please, auntie, I don't like my cake." "Well, dear, don't eat it." "But, auntie, I have eaten it." "Describe water, Johnny," said the teacher. "Water," explained Johnny, "is a white fluid that turns black when you put your hands in it." "No," said the editor, "we cannot use your poem." "Why," asked the poet; is it too long?" "Yes," hissed the editor. ‘It's too long, and too thick." "What makes you think you're qualified to run a hotel?" inquired the man behind the desk. "Well," confided the applicant, "I've had a summer home for fifteen years and all my friends have automobiles." Maloney (reading a life insurance circular)—Phwat's a "table av expectancy"? Casey—shure, it's something that proves by statistics thot ye won't live as long after yez are sixty as yez did before. "Did your audience throw you bouquets after your speech?" "No," replied the reckless orator; "they brought only useful gifts, such as bricks and other building material." "We want some one to play Samson," explained the movie manager. "Do you think you could wreck the temple?" "Can I? Well I've been a baggageman for eleven years." "Please don't bother to see me to the door," pleaded the departing visitor. "Really, it's no bother at all," the hostess assured her. "It's pleasure." Desk Sergeant—Didn't I tell you the last time you were here that I never wanted to see you before me again? Toodles—Yes, yer honor. That's what I told the cops, but he wouldn't believe me. A young remonstrated with her husband, a dissipated spend thrift on his conduct, "Love," said he, "I am like the prodigal son; I shall reform by and by." "I will be like the prodigal son, too," she replied, "for I shall arise and go to my father".