• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-7413
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 5
• Page Number:
• Date: 6 21 1916
• Tags:
• joke

BORROWED MIRTH Ethel—Is the man you are engaged to all bookish? Marie—Well, yes; pocketbookish. Brown—Back to town again? I thought you were a farmer. Green— You made the same mistake I did. Teacher—Johnnie, this is the worst composition in the class, and I'm going to write to your father and tell him. Johnnie—Don't keer if you do; he wrote it for me. "Boby, do you know you've deliberately broken the eighth commandment by stealing James's candy?" "Well, I thought I might as well break the eighth commandment and have the candy as to break the 10th and only ‘covet' it."— "These doctors are all frauds. They all say that a good laugh is healthful. I know better." "Been experimenting?" "Yes. My father fell down morning and I had a good laugh. sit down without pain." "Well, Dinah, I hear you are married." "Yassum," said the former cook, "I'se done got me a man now." "Is he a good provider?'" "Yassum. He's a mighty good pervider, but I'se powerful skeered he's gwine ter git kotched at it." Little Robert rushed into the kitchen one day and asked his mother what kind of pie she she was making. "Lemon meringue pie," she answered. The little fellow dissapeared, but presently returned, "Mother," he said "what did you say is the pie's middle name?" "Look at that foolish Mr. Baker," said one man to another, "out ona rainy day like this without an umbrella! Is he crazy?" "I guess so," said his friend hurriedly, "Let's hurry on. I don't want to meet him." "Why not?" "He may recognize this umbrella. It's his."Claude had been promised a motor ride with his father, and his mother had sent him upstairs to get ready. As he came down his mother asked: "Have you washed your face, Claude?" "Yes'm," answered the boy. "And your hands?" queried the mother. "Yep," said Claude. "And your neck?" persisted the mother. "Oh, see here, Mother," said the boy, in disgust, "I ain't no angel!"