• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-7413
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 5
• Page Number:
• Date: 7 26 1916
• Tags:
• joke

BORROWED MIRTH

The Politician—In all my career I.can say that I have never done anything to be ashamed of. : The Cynic—You mean that you have never done anything you were ashamed of.

"I hear you have a new little sister’’. “Yes,” answered the little girl, “‘Just two weeks old.”’ “Did you want it to be a little girl?” "No I wanted it to be a boy,’’ she replied, “but it came while I was at school.’’

“‘And her mean husband thinks she’s extravagant. "Why?” “Just because she insists on having Fido’s monogram stamped on his dog-biscuits.”

‘“Mein Gott, it is too much! Ain’t it enough dot I fight for der vaterland? Now the Em- peror says we should marry before leaving for der front.”’

“My husband tells me that he was out late last night with your husband.” “That isn’t so, I want you to understand that my husband was out with your husband.’’

“Where’s your little brother?’’ ‘‘He hurt himself.” "How?" "‘We were seeing who could lean out of the window the farest, and he won.”’

It was an awkward question for a doctor to put to a soldier. “Colonel,” he said, how do you feel when you kill anybody?’’ “Oh, pretty well,’’ said the Colonel. "How do you?”’

‘‘Did you hear about the defacement of Mr. Skinner’s tombstone?” asked Mr. Brown a few days after the funeral of that eminent captain of industry. “No; what was it?’’ inquired his neighbor, curiously. ‘‘Some one added the word epitaph. What was the epitaph?”’ ‘‘He did his best.”’

"I cannot understand why my second husband is so fastidious,” confessed a Washington lady to her bosom friend. ‘‘He scarely eats anything. My first husband who died, used to eat everything I cooked for him. ‘‘Did you tell your present husband that?’’ "Yes." “That accounts for it.”’

‘friend’ to the