• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-7413
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 5
• Page Number:
• Date: 8 9 1916
• Tags:
• joke

BORROWED MIRTH

Maud—Would you object ta a husband who smoked in the house? Marie—Most decidedly. But I shall keep quiet about it until I get one.

“I see Smith is building a garage. did he get a car?” "He hasn’t got one yet, but he’s got an option on ten gallons of gasoline.”

Mrs. Farmer—Why is it a big strong man like you doesn’t get work? Tramp—Why, it s dis rabbit's foot, Num! Dats all wot saves me!

“You are preventing the gentleman just behind you from seeing the stage with your hat on, madam,’’ said the usher at the theatre. "Well, that’s my business,” the woman snapped back; ‘‘he’s my husband."—

The young women present were discussing their ages. And one of the girls said: “I don’t know what it is about my appearance, but everybody guesses me a lot younger than I really am.”’ And another of the girls answered, oh, so sweetly: "Oh, that’s after they heard you talk, it, dear."

The fond husband was seeing his wife off with the children for their vacation in the country. As she got into the train, he said, But, my dear, won’t you take some ficition to read?’”’ “Oh, no!”’ she responded sweetly, "I shall depend upon your letters from home.”

The recent tropical weather had some humorous phases. A lady up the State received a postal from a friend in Virginia, which read: ‘‘Pauline has a little son. Doing well Hot here, no name for it.’” The answering postal read; ‘‘Congratulation! If ‘Hothere’ won’t do, name him Paul, after his mother.”

A mother told her son she would punish him if he ever asked for anything to eat while at a neighbor’s house. The next time he went out for the afternoon, he sat still a few minutes, then he said: : “Now I must go. Do you know why I must go? Well, I’m hungry, that’s why.”’

"Say, Jim,’’ said the friend of the taxicab driver, standing in front of the vehicle, “there’s a purse lying on the floor of the cab. The driver looked carefully around and then whispered : “Sometimes when buslness is bad I put it there and leave the door open. It’s empty, but you’ve no idea how many people’ll jump in for a short drive when they see it.”