• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-7413
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 5
• Page Number:
• Date: 8 16 1916
• Tags:
• joke

BORROWED MIRTH

‘ Riches have wings they say.”’ “Yes, and whenever I go after them they migrate.’’

“Is he hard up?” "I should say so. He can’t even get credit for his good intentions.”

Knicker—The novelist dresses his heroine in some clinging white stuff. Bocker—But he doesn't mention the cost in some vanishing green stuff.

“You never encourage mud-slinging in a campaign.’’ “No,’”’ replied Senator Sorghum; “‘if you’re going to throw something, throw a rock.”’

Adam gave one rib and got a wife, Robert Kirton, of Pittsburg, back from the front, lost seven ribs and than married his Red Cross nurse. This shows the increased cost of living.

‘“‘Have you made a success of aviation?”’ ““How can you doubt it?’’ asked the bird-man, with pardonable irritation. '‘Can’t you see for yourself that I am still alive?”’

Judge—How do you account for the fact that the watch was found in your pocket? Prisoner—Your honor, life is made up of explicable mysteries, and I trust you will instruct the jury:.

“People laugh about buying their husband’s cigars,”” said Mrs. Bunk, *‘but I manage it all right.”’ “Indeed?’’ said Mrs. Askem. “Yes, you see | just take a stump with me and it’s no trouble at all to find the shade.”’

"Is the play one which you would permit your daughter to attend?’”” We ask of the lady who has been expounding her views on the necessity for handling vital topics in the drama. “Certainly,” she replied, “but I wouldn’t allow my son to see it.”

Some soldiers were escorting a spy through a pouring rain to the gallows. "What brutes vou fellows are " he exclaimed. “to take a fellow out in the rain like this.”’ “Well,”' one of the soldiers made answer, “how about us? We've got to march back.”’

Two women stepped up to the delivery win- dow of a country post-office and bought some stamps. The younger woman had several letters in her band and was about to moisten the stamps, when her a masculine looking suffragette companion shoved both letters and stamps under the grating and astonished the clerk by saying: ‘‘Leave him lick’em, he’s paid for it.”