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Borrowed Mirth
- Author: Unknown
- Editor: B-7413
- Newspaper: The Umpire volume 5
- Page Number:
- Date: 8 23 1916
- Tags:
- joke
BORROWED MIRTH
Youth—Love is intoxicating, Old Bach—I’m on the water wagon.
SR Wife—I hate those cramped berths in the sleeper. Couldn’t we get a flat, dear? Hub—Who ever heard of a flat on a train? Wife—Why, I’ve often heard of flat cars.
Mamma—Dorothy, you and your little visitor are doing nothing but sit around and look miserable. Why don't you play somethirg? Dorothy—We are playing. Mamma— What on earth are you playing? Dorothy—We’s playing that we’s growed up.
"A previous witness testified that the man vanished as completly as if the earth had opened and swallowed him up.” “More so, your honor. He vanished as completely as if he had run over somebody with his car.”
Jimmie Willis—What are you going to be when you grow up.” Tommy Gillis—‘‘An American bandit in Mexico.” “But ain’t that dangerous?’’ “Naw. Neither side can shoot you for fear of causing international complications.”
Traveler—Here, landlord, what’s the matter with your dog? I’ve driven him away a dozen times, but he always comes back again and sits close to my chair, watching every mouthful I take. Do take him out and let me have my dinner in peace. Landlord—Ah, sir, my Carlo is such a knowing brute. I expect you have got the plate he generally eats off!”
“You say the officer arrested you while you were quietly minding your own business?’’ “Yes, your honor. He caught me suddenly by the coat-collar and threatened to trucheon me unless I accompanied him quietly to the station.” You were peaceably attending to your own business, making no noise or disturbance of any kind?” ‘‘None whatever, sir.” “It seems very strange. What is your business?” “I’m a burglar.”
He was a rackety young man and kept very late hours, but had now joined the army and was ordered to the front, and on bidding farewell to his beloved he said to her. “Darling, when I am far away wilt thou gaze at yon star every night and.think of me?” “I will, indeed, dearest,’” she replied. ‘‘If I needed anything to remind me of you, I should choose that very star.” “Why?’’ he asked. “Because it is out so late at night and looks so pale in the morning.
- CC BY-NC-ND 4.0 | Terms of Use
- DOI 10.58117/2x7t-s726