• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-7413
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 5
• Page Number:
• Date: 11 8 1916
• Tags:
• joke

BORROWED MIRTH

Teacher—"If a farmer sold 1470 bushels of wheat at $1.17 a bushel, what would he get?” Boy—‘‘An automobile.”

Employer— ‘‘John, I wish you would not whistle at your work.” Boy— ‘‘I wasn’t working, sir; only whistling.”

S Hicks— ‘‘She married in haste.” Wicks— “And repented at leasure, I suppose.” Hicks— “No, she repented in haste, too.”

Angry Investorr—“Well, I’ve been out and seen that building lot I bought of you.’’ Real Estate Man— “You’re just the I chap want to see. What does it look like?’’

Ethel, aged four, had been to visit her cousins, two fun-loving boys. ‘‘Papa,” she said, the night of her return home, “every night when George and John say their prayers they ask God to make them good boys.” “That’s nice,’’ said papa. Then, thinking soberly for a few minutes, Ethel added, ‘‘He ain’t done it yet, though.”

Police Magistrate—‘‘Well, sir, what are you up here for?” Prisoner— ‘‘For attending to business, your Honor. I was arrested merely” because I opened a drug-store.” Police Magistrate—"I wrong about that. Is the man's story true, officer?’’ Officer— “It is so far as it goes, your Honor. But he neglected to state that he opened the store at 2 a. m. with a jimmy.”

The Judge’s five-year-old son John had been naughty when his parents were having com- pany and had been reproved. That night when his mother went up to hear John say his prayers she suggested that he ask God to teach his parents how to bring him up prop- erly. John was quite penitent and prayed humbly: ‘‘Please, God, teach mother how to make me a good boy.” He paused for a moment, then added thoughtfully, ‘‘And father, too, if you can do anything with him.”