• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-7413
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 5
• Page Number:
• Date: 11 29 1916
• Tags:
• joke

BORROWED MIRTH

Uglymug— “My wife was awfully near- sighted when she married me.” Kutter— ‘‘She must have been.”

“Will you be my wife?" “You must ask Mother first.”’ “Yes, but suppose she doesn’t refuse me?”

“So your son’s in college, eh? Burning the midnight oil, I s’pose?’’ “Well—er—yes; but I’ve an idea—er—that it’s gasoline.”

“How about that wedding check your father-in-law gave you?" asked the friend. “Was it good?” “Certainly,” replied the benedict. "It’s the unexpected that happens, you know.”

“I told Mr. Thickwitz that his baby looked like him. “Of course he was pleased." “Immensely. He didn’t hear me add: ‘Poor little devil,' under my breath.’’

Ike— “Malloney is the most expensive friend I have." Dyke—‘‘Borrows money?” Ike—“No, but I’ve had to buy him four wedding gifts, and three funeral bouquets."

Mrs. Blueblood—‘‘We dined al fresco last evening." Mrs. Newrich—“I think I’ve met him somewhere. Ishis first name Albert or Alfred?"

The Girl—"You say that Miss Padds and Jack Pott are going to be married. Why, I didn’t know they knew each other.” The Cynic— “They don’t. That’s why they are going to be married.”

"I understand Mr. Dubwaite has announced for another office." “He seems determined to keep running un- til he gets one.” “Yes, but Mrs. Dubwaite says she is out of patience.’’ “Why so?” “She says a man who has been running for office as long and as hard as Mr. Dubwaite has, ought to have something more to show for it than a pile of unpaid printing bills."

One day a keeper was out walking with a number of harmless inmates of an insane asylum, and the party met a pedestrian not far from the railway tracks. With a nod toward the tracks the traveler asked one of the lunatics: “Where does this railway go to?” The lunatic surveyed him scornfully for a moment and then replied: “Nowhere. We keep it here to run trains on."