• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-7413
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 5
• Page Number:
• Date: 12 6 1916
• Tags:
• joke

BORROWED MIRTH

Teacher— “What makes the grass grow?” Willie— ‘“The grass has blades, and with these it cuts its way through the earth.”

Lillie— “What a handsome coachman you’ve got!” Daisy—“Yes; but you ought to see my husband’s manicure!”

Edith— "Haven’t you and Jack been engaged long enough to get married?" Ethel— “Too long! He hasn’t got a cent left.”

Said He—“What would you do if a young man went to kiss you against your will?" Said She— “Oh, pshaw! I don’t think such a thing could be possible.”

“What is this man charged with?’’ asked the Magistrate. “Dynamite!” was the unanimous reply of the six policemen who had made the arrest.

Jack—“Did she accept you?” Tom— “Well, she said she’d make a memorandum of my proposal and consider it when the weather gets favorable for mental effort."

" was at the department store the other day when all the lights went out,’’ said Light-fingered Jim. “What luck!”’ chuckled his pal. ‘“What did you get?” “Rotten! I was in the grand piano department.’’

"Shall I put a little tonic on your hair?” inquired the barber. “No." “It’s getting quite thin.” "Let it alone. A bald head is the only thing that will give me any claim to an intel- lectual appearance.’’

“Didn’t you think that was a beautiful girl with me today, Arthur?’’ “What girl, my dearest?” “Why, she was with me when you met us in front of the church.” “Was there a girl there, dear? I didn’t notice. I was looking at you.” And then she loved him all the more.

The black-haired boy had a mighty contempt for the tow-headed boy. "Huh," he said, "your mother takes in washing.” “Of course she does,” the tow-headed satirist retorted. “You didn’t think she would leave it hanging out at night unless your father was in jail, did you?”