• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-7413
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 5
• Page Number:
• Date: 12 13 1916
• Tags:
• joke

BORROWED MIRTH

‘‘Read my palm, please.” ‘‘Ah, you want a hand picked future, do you?’’

Bacon—‘‘How many languages does your wife speak?’’ Egbert—“Three—near-English, baby talk, and bridge whist.”

She— "It must have taken a lot of persist- ence on your part to learn to play the cornet so well.” He—"It did. I had to go constantly armed for three months.’’

“Darling, if you had to do it all over again, would you still want to marry me?’’ “My dear, if I had to do it over again and decided to marry, you would be the one I would select.”

Hokus— "I never knew such a wet blanket as Flubbub. ” Pokus — “That’s right. If that fellow should jump from the frying-pan into the fire he would put the fire out.”

“What came between them?’’ “A French poodle.” “Eh?” “At least he put it up to her to choose between him and the dog, and he’s been living at his club ever since.’’

“Didn’ Mistoh Pinkly stand by you when de mixup took place?’’ “Yes,” replied Mr. Whiffletree Dawson. “He was standin’ by me, jest close enough to take a good aim when he hit me behind the ear.”

“Do you expect to spend your whole life in the wicked pursuit of riches?’’ asked the ascetic person. “No,” replied the brisk individual. "If I'm not rich by the time I reach fifty years of age I shall consider myself an ignoble failure.”

He—“If you don’t intend to break your engagement with me, why do you let Rich-man make you such valuable presents?" She—“My father advised me to accept them.” He—"He did! Why?” She—‘‘He said if I married you they might come in handy.”

“You want more money? Why, my boy, I worked three years for $11.00 a monthright in this establishment, and now I'm owner of it." “Well, you see what happened to your boss. No man who treats his help that way can hang on to his business.”