• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-7413
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume 5
• Page Number:
• Date: 1 26 1916
• Tags:
• joke
• racist

IN LIGHTER VEIN Harry: "I'd come over and kiss you, but I'm afraid of upsetting the boat." Grace: "I can swim, Harry." *"Pa," said the small seeker after knowledge, "what is a kiss?" "A kiss, my son," said the father, who hadn't lived fifty years in vain, "is nothing divided by two." *"So yo' am goin' to be mah son-in-law, am yo'?" inquired old Brother Buckaloo. "Yessah, dat's what it ‘mounts to," said the colored swain. "But dat ain't what Ah'm a-marryin' Louella Maud foh. Yo' am purely incidental to de emergency, sah, purely incidental." *"I want a pair of socks for my husband," announced the determined-looking lady. "Yes'm," replied the clerk; "what number please?" The shopper glared at him. "I didn't know that it's any of your business,' she said, "but he is Number Three." *"Do you love sister Clara, Mr. Simpson?" asked the little brother frankly of the caller. "Why, Wille, what a funny question!" replied the astounded Mr. Simpson. "Why do you ask that?" "Because she said last night she'd give a dollar to know, and I need the dollar." *"Johnny," said the mother as she vigorously scrubbed the small boy's face with soap and water, "didn't I tell you never to blacken your face again? Here I've been scrubbing for half an hour and it won't come off." "I-I—ouch!" sputtered the small boy; ‘I ain't your little boy. I—ouch! Ise Mose, de colored lady's little boy." * Young Barnes had married contrary to his father's wishes. Meeting his parent soon afterward, the father said angrily: "Well, young man, I have made my will and cut you off with a dollar." "I am very sorry, father," said the youth contritely; "you don't happen to have the dollar with you, do you?"*One day Johnny came home from school in tears. "What is the matter, darling?" asked his mother solicitously. "Teacher whipped me," he sobbed. "What for?" : "Nothin' 'cept answerin' a question." "That is very singular. Did you answer it correctly?" "Yes'm" "What was the question, dear?" "She asked who put the dead mouse in her desk."