• Author: Unknown
• Editor:
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume V
• Page Number:
• Date: 4 24 1918
• Tags:
• joke
• inside joke
• gossip
• ESP news
• poetry

LET’S ALL BE GLAD

All things come to him who works,

Music hath charms, but how about musicians, Professor.

Get your fishing-takle ready, boys, the trout season is on hand.

Even a tombstone will say good things about a fellow when he’s down.

It is understood the local Red Cross Contingent are preparing to ‘‘follow their leader.’’

News item—Los Angeles goes dry. And a certain friend of ours was thinking of going back there!

Some men’s ambitions run to leaving foot-prints in the sands of time; others to leaving finger-prints in every prison in the country. What's yours?

Judge—“Where did the automobile hit you?’’ Rastus— “Well, jedge, if I had been carryin’ a license number it’d been done busted into a thousand pieces.’’

Customer—‘‘Are you sure this suit won’t shrink if it gets wet on me?”’ Legs—"Mine frendt, effery fire company in the city has squirted vater on dat suit.’’

Father told us years ago, That we’d end it here; We thought father didn’t know, Heard him with a sneer. Now that we’re locked up so tight, We really think father was right!

Do you know this chap? ‘‘Dear United States Army: My husban ast me to write a reckomend that he supports his famly. He can’t read, so don’t tell him. Jus take him. He ain’t no good to me. He ain’t done nothin’ but play a fiddle, and drink lemmen essense since I married him, eight years ago, and I got to feed seven kids of his. Maybe you can get him to carry a gun. He’s good on squirrels, an’ eatin’. Take him and welcum. I need the bed, an’ his grub for the kids. Don’t tell him this but take him.

Cheer up! The worst is yet to come! The jury may believe you the next time. The Judge may really give you the justice you howl for! The Pardon may not come to late! The B. of P. may like your looks, and give you that other chance! The extra piece of meat you’re looking for may be in the soup to-morrow! And you may be in the trenches by Xmas. The best is yet to come! Cheer up!