• Author: Unknown
• Editor:
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume V
• Page Number:
• Date: 5 1 1918
• Tags:
• gossip
• war
• joke

LET’S ALL BE GLAD

Laugh,and the world laughs with you; weep and it laughs at you.

If you can’t fight, you can work; can’t work, you can give. Well?

Ques. Why do most married men talk in their sleep? Ans. Because it’s their only chance.

Spring fever has stabbed us to the vitals, and our work for the last few days makes us ashamed to look a self-respecting snail in the face. How about you?

5 pennies—1 nickel 5 nickels—1 quarter 1 quarter—1 War Savings Stamp 1 W.S.S.—5 bullets 5 bullets—5 wallops at the Kaiser, And we consider itcheapat the price.

Doc Wiley advises the American people to eat up some of the surplus cats, and dogs, and so win the war. Well we’d take a real pleasure in eating some one of the canines that houl beneath our windows, mornings; and as for cats, we’re going to make friends with John Keen’s feline immediately.

The “line up’’ along the 5th Block wall regards the adjacent War-gardens with hungry eyes. What’s going to happen when the blushing tomato, and the succulent marrow-fat bean is to be seen coyly peeping through the shrouding greenery, and the proprietor’s back is turned? Personally, we think “‘Lou’’ was wise to take to the roof.

Dear old ‘‘Uncle John” pulled off a raid some days ago with all the aplomb,and savoir faire of a veteran at such arts, and tho he failed to catch the proprietor of the alleged Gambling Den, he did surprise a couple of habitues, and an innocent bystander, at a game of dominoes, and forthwith delivered a lecture which cleared the air and the cell immediately. It was very generous of Uncle John, but the proprietor would like to know who got the “kitty?”

Our stenog. asked us the other day how to tie a bow tie, and it is for his, and other’s benefit, that we print the following directions—hold the right end of the tie in your left hand, and the left end in you right hand, and slip your neck into the loop thus formed. Now cross the left-hand end of the tie over the right, with the left hand, steadying the right end with the other hand. Then drop both ends, catching the left with the right, and the other with the other. Reverse hands and pick up the loose end with the nearest hand. Pull this end thru the loop with your unengaged hand, and squeeze. All you’ve got to do now is disentangle your hands.