• Author: The Committee on Public Information
• Editor:
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume V
• Page Number:
• Date: 5 29 1918
• Tags:
• joke
• war

THE TWENTY-THIRD PSALM AS REVISED BY THE KAISER

The Lord is my own particular German Shepherd; I shall not want, though a few of my subjects may suffer temporary inconvenience.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures, formerly the property of Belgium, France, Rumania, Russia and Servia, but now my own, because I have been allowed to lie there. He leadeth me beside the still waters of the Dardanelles, which I will keep forever after.

He restoreth my soul, but says nothing about restoring the devastated portions of France, Belgium and Servia, so I can’t be expected to do it. He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s-sake, thus showing that those who consider my glorious deeds to be wrongare hopeless idiots.

If he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness, there can be nothing wrong in Kkilling women and children and encouraging my brave troops to acts of frightfulness in order to make my enemies respect me.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me, and Thy rod and Thy staff shall comfort me, and my mailed fist, and my shining sword will do the rest.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies by giving me the Russian wheat-fields, through the grace of the Bolsheviki. Thou anointest my head with oil, by giving me the Rumanian oil well; my cup runneth over, though not so much as it will, when I have my will on the foul and traitorous Americans.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. If I find any one else trying to crowd in with me, I'll do my best to have him sunk without a trace.

— The Committee on Public Information.