• Author: Unknown
• Editor:
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume V
• Page Number:
• Date: 6 26 1918
• Tags:
• poetry
• gossip
• joke
• inside joke
• war effort

LET’S ALL BE GLAD

Overheard on the 4th. Block about 9 A. M. Doctor: ‘‘Do you assimilate your food easily?” 4th Block Citizen:—‘‘No sah! No sah! Not me! I gets it right off dat truck."

Loosen up and buy War Saving Stamps. How would you like to fight and die for a tight-wad? Are you going to make somebody else do it?

“Look here, my man,’’ said the sergeant to the young recruit, ‘‘are you willing to die for your country?” ‘‘No sir,’’ he replied, ‘“but I'm willing to make a German die for his.”

A friend of ours reports that he has gotten so fat since he has joined the army that he has to wear his wrist-watch on his thumb. It’s something more than patriotism that's calling us now!

“Don’t you think the new minister offers up a good prayer?’’ was asked of the old colored janitor, by one of the deacons. ‘‘Ah mos’ suttinly does, boss. Why dat man axed de Lawd fo’ things dat de odder preacher nebbuh knew He had!”

“Hello, Bill. Where you workin’ now?” “Why, in the Plumbing school.” “How do you like it?” “It’s fierce! Nothin’ but work, work, work from morning ’till night.” “How long you been workin’ there?’’ “Oh, I start to-morrow morning!"

Scene: Bertillion room. Characters: Tom Collins, and new arrival— J. W. off-stage. Tom;— (just before pressing button) ‘‘And how would you like a little drink?’’ (Business of J. W. clinking glasses in dark - room.) New arrival (pleasantly surprised) ‘‘Sure.”’ Photograph is taken. New Arrival-— (as he is being shooed from the chair) —‘‘How about that little drink? ’ Tom— ‘‘Oh that was just so you would look natural!” Curtain—Fire-works.

The War Gardens are blooming fair, There’s radishes, and lettuce there; And onions rounding to such form, Would take an anchorite to scorn, And envious eyes are on them, too, How they would glorify a stew! And mingle with the fried potatoes! There’s promise soon of ripe tomatoes; And one lone watermelon-vine, The First Block watches all the time! Yet there are folks would leave such guarden, Behind them had they but a Pardon.