• Author: Unknown
• Editor:
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume V
• Page Number:
• Date: 7 31 1918
• Tags:
• joke
• inside joke
• war

LET’S ALL BE GLAD

Our idea of a pacifist is a guy who is will- ing to fight anybody except the Germans.

We may be ‘‘down,’’ but not ‘‘out.’”’ Not with two up and, eight to go.

Quite a few of us are slated to earn our first honest dollar under this work or fight ruling.

The Kaiser has it on Teddy in one respect, at least. He started the war with six sons, and he still has ’em.

Doug' says that he is fond of indoor sports, but that a good many of them don’t know when to leave.

In other times when we were good, Quail on toast was our favorite food; But now we’re bad, and safe in gaol, We’ve got the toast, but where’s the quail?

In the heat of an argument the other day we suggested to an erstwhile enemy of ours, that he ought to see an alienist, and he came back at us with the statement that an American doctor was good enough for him.

Few of us care so awful much about dying for our country, when there are several more alluring fates, but the most of us are willing and anxious to make a German die for his.

Would Mr. Stackhouse kindly mash Sat- urday’s peas before serving? We watched a gentleman eating them the other day, and it really made us nervous the way they rolled off his knife. '

A friend informed us the other day that he could scent a storm hours off. Five minutes after he left us we thought of telling him that his nose must be a storm-(s) center. We hope he reads this.

“Prisoner at the bar," called out the clerk, ‘‘do you wish to challenge any of the jury?” “Well,”’” says O’Brien, “I'm a bit out of training, but I think I could go a round or two with that guy in the corner.”

The Generalissimo avers that he has discovered an infallible method of overcoming the faulty memory of his Aid-de-Camp. He just writes out the Orders for the day, and pastes them on the looking-glass.