• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-8266
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume V
• Page Number:
• Date: 8 7 1918
• Tags:
• poetry
• joke
• gossip
• inside joke

LET’S ALL BE GLAD

There is to our mind but one redeeming feature about a cornet; the operater can’t sing while he’s playing it..

Whitey:— “Wasn’t that the sound of a revolver?” Johnny:—Yes, I just turned on the electric fan.

Suspenders have doubled in price. Which makes it difficult for some of our old-fashioned members to keep up appearances, not to speak of lesser things.

C---, “It is said that when a man is drowning all his past life passes before him.” M----, “Huh, you don’t have to drown to have that happen, just try going on the witness stand.

Once more we venture to mention the dog problem. We don’t wish to see them killed, or otherwise disposed of—we re too humane for that—but we do make a moving appea1 i to Joe Campbell to have them tuned.

Hush, little quarter, don’t you cry, You’ll be a Thrift Stamp, by-and-by. There, little Thrift Stamp, dry your tears, You’ll be a Bond in the coming years. And, little Liberty Bond, don’t cry, You’ll have company, by-and-by

A “hobo’’ wrote as follows to a patent-medicine concern, after he had been sentenced to six months on the rock-pile for stealing six bottles of their nerve tonic. "Gentlemen—Before taking your tonic I had not done a day’s work in ten years. I took six bottles, and am now worklng steadily every day.

The esteemed Summary remarks that “Of two evils the greater one is letting the lesser one get the better of you. We’ve turned, this around, and upside down, and we still fail to understand it as we go to press.

Red was asked the other day if he didn’t want to try.a little base ball. He said, ‘‘No, I never play none of them athletic games, except dominoes.

There were a few days during the week when we would gladly have given Germany our ‘‘place in the sun."

Here’s a thought for you. If you could do as you please just what would you do?