• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-8266
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume V
• Page Number:
• Date: 8 14 1918
• Tags:
• poetry
• joke
• gossip
• inside joke

LET’S ALL BE GLAD

Once upon a time it was the fellow who had a job who was en.phatleally It about this Institution, now everybody is it; thus furnishing indisputable proof, that the world ‘‘do move,’’

We met a man the other day who swore he had never seen a birds’ nest, tho he has lived in a cage for seven years.

It’s better to have one virtue and advertise it, than to have several and keep them all safely hidden,

The easiest way to get a reputation for wisdomand let the other fellow do the talking but we don’t expect anybody to follow this advice.

We understand that the new under-wear shop is turning out union suits for the eventual wearing of the inmates, and what is going to happen if we forget the combination?

Wealth may not bring happiness, but at least it brings the one kind of misery which is most agreeable to us.

We will never believe in the millenium until we see the sign “This attractive Penitentiary for sale.”

We are a firm believer in ‘‘lucky’’ stones. We had one given to us once upon a time and the very next day we met the “cop” who had been looking for us for nearly four years.

We’d like to fight, somewhere in France; Or take our best girl to a dance. And just to stroll down Chestnut street, Would almost make our joy complete. But here’s our irridescent dream; One quart of strawberry ice-cream.

Ananias, ‘‘rehearsing’’ in Yard, ‘‘Say, do you know I just had the juiciest, big steak, and I know where there’s another one, too.” B. M., suddenly appearing, ‘‘Is that so? Well, you come with me. I’m the Deputy.

The chaplain was describing the "bad place’’ to a lot of Navy boys. ‘‘Boys,’’ he said, ‘‘you’ve seen molten iron running out of a furnace, haven’t you? It comes out white—hot, sizzling, and hissing. Well, ‘‘he pointed a long, lean finger at the lads, “Well,” he continued, they use that stuft for ice-cream in the place I’'m speaking of”