• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-8266
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume V
• Page Number:
• Date: 8 21 1918
• Tags:
• poetry
• proverb
• joke
• inside joke

LET’S ALL BE GLAD

You need to make your aim good in this world if you would hope to miss fire in the next.

Jim—“I had an awfully close shave yesterday.” Joe—“What was the matter?’’ Jim—"I needed it.”

It is much easier to go to the bad, than to get a return ticket the refrom.

Our cook’s singing wakes us up at six o’clock every morning as regular as clock- work. They’re regular cuckoo-clocks.

The Generalissimo says that be judges his friends by the cigars they give him. A good friend never gives him a bad cigar, while a bad friend never gives him a good cigar. He says that he once commented on the fact that a cigar which had been given him was a good one, only to have the donor grab frantically at his vest-pocket, crying, By Golly, I bet. I gave you the wrong cigar!’’

We find it really difficult to be original and humorous at the same time and play the host to an all-embracing tooth-ache. Which is our apology to our readers for any short in this week’s issue.

The best throw with the dice is to throw them away. P. S. We never had any luck with the darn things, anyway.

We have a bath in our ‘room. Yes, it is an overhead batb. No, it is not a shower. It is a leaking window.

Just about the time a fellow thinks that this place couldn’t possibly get along with- out him, and that he’ll simply have to come right back when his time is up, or see the whole thing go to the eterral bow-wows, he gets locked up, and discovers himself to be one of the ‘‘non-essentials.”

In the parlor there were three; Clarabelle, the lamp, and me. Two is company. No doubt That is why the lamp went out.

The man who tries to do something, and fails, is a blame sight better than the man who tries to do nothing, and suceeeds.

When you don’t think much of a person, a good plan is to say as little as you think.