• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-8266
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume V
• Page Number:
• Date: 8 28 1918
• Tags:
• joke
• inside joke
• proverb

LET’S ALL BE GLAD

These chaps who are all the time asking us foolish questions, do they think these the only kind we can answer?

When you think of something mean you can do to a man, and he beats you to it! My. but isn’t he the mean thing?

The other eve we saw a friend of ours sauntering slowly homeward long after the whistle had blown, and in the kindness of our heart we suggested that he hurry up, or he’d be late for supper. But he extinguished us with a glance. ‘‘Supper and me arrives together” he haughtily announced as he patted his pistol- pocket, and it was only then that we saw that we were de trop, and likewise faux pas.

Prof. Bonsal—‘“What three words are most used in this school?” Pupils—in chorus— "I don’t know.” Prof. B.—‘‘Correct!”

Good sense may be better than good looks, but what are you going to do if you haven’t either?

If you want to make your sweet-hearts stick, try writing your letters on flypaper

Jack—‘‘Aw, g’wan, you couldn’t pass a doctor.” Jim—‘‘You needn’t talk. You couldn’t pass a saloon.” New-comer—to Overseer—‘‘Please put me in Cell 24.” Overseer— ‘‘Why?’’ N—c—“Well, that’s the one father used to have, and he always told me it was so convenient.”

This life reminds us so much of lemonade with the sugar left out.

Early to bed, and early to rise, makes one healthy, and wealthy, and wise—but just think of the fun one misses.

Abe—‘‘They tell me you are learning short-hand.” Mawruss—‘‘Yes, but I can’t speakit yet.”

Asked to speak a word of advice to the carpenters, we will say this: Always be on the Level, no matter how the world may Hammer you, Get rid of your vices; be SQUARE, In Plain words, if you want to COMPASS anything, BRACE up, and be a man.