• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-8266
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume V
• Page Number:
• Date: 9 4 1918
• Tags:
• joke
• proverb

LET’S ALL BE GLAD

The only really hardened criminals we know of are some petrified remains of prisoners foundin the prison of Pompeii.

The conoundrum of the moment is, why should a man report at 5 a.m. instead of 9, and then try to blame it on the cook, instead of on the liniment.

The other day in the Yard we happened to overhear a ‘‘soldier’’ lamenting the fact that he couldn’t get any work to do, and thinking to cheer him up, we ventured to tell him that Mr. Schall was at that very moment needing men to shovel coal over by the 12th. He thanked us feelingly and venomously; and disappeared in the direction of the 11th. and we haven’t seen him since.

Our barber wi!ll be leaving us this week, so we can say without fear of consequences, that we have long entertained a shrewd suspicion that he uses his razors in the manufacture of the evening’s hash.

A postage stamp can be licked once, but after that it delivers the goods. Moral, be a postage stamp.

Baseball is probably the only thing in which the chap who bravely strikes cut for himself receives no praise for it. Quite the contrary, as Jack, and Lucky, etc. will readily testify.

If you’re made of the right sort of clay, and possess plenty of sand, you’re friends will call you a ‘‘brick’’ before you go to the wall—but never afterward.

Conscience with most of us is just the fear of being found out.

Discretion is that quality which permits us to say ‘Oh,shut up!’’ to somebody smaller than ourselves, and ‘‘ I beg your pardon butI don’t entirely agree with you.’’ to the chap who is the bigger-man. Personally, we always exercise it.

The name frankfurters is said to be derived from the Anglo-Saxon frank’ meaning open and the latin fortitude meaning brave. Open to suspicion, and eaten by the brave.

He— “If I should steal a kiss, would it ‘be petty larceny? She—“‘No, it would be grand.’’