• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-8266
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume V
• Page Number:
• Date: 9 18 1918
• Tags:
• joke
• inside joke
• gossip

HITS OR FOULS

It is said that nothing is impossible under the sun, but how about taking a moving-picture of ‘‘Sleepy?’’

That grammar as locally taught sometimes produces some fearful and wonderful results is evidenced by the following; vouched for by an inmate teacher. Teacher—“What are the principal parts of a sentence?” Pupil—‘‘Maximum and minimum.”

Too many of our number ask, “Is life worth living?’’ When it would be better to ask, “Am I worthy of living, and if not, why not?’’

And when is a job, not a job? When the Hon ‘‘Bob’’ comes around is Abe’s answer to the above conundrum.

If character is what you are, then reputation must be what you’re caught at.

“Hank,’’ sternly demanded Gus of his parther, ‘‘did you eat any of those ginger-cakes I left in the cup-board?’’ ‘I never touched one.’’ declared the virtuour ‘‘Hank.” “Well, there was three there, and now there’s only one.” “That was the one I didn’t touch.’’ deposed “Hank’’ as he oozed rapidly out the cell-door.

Some of us grow wiser as we grow older, and some of us—just grow older.

The Colonel, and his Aid, had their pictures taken the other day, and it is said that they look natural all but the face.

A vistor the other day in trying to be sympathetic assured us that we must take things as they come in this world, and we didn’t have the heart to tell her that was why we got ‘‘pinched.’’

Jack—“Don’t you wish you could live your life over again?’’ Harry— ‘‘Well, I should say not! I go out next week.”’

Is the Second Block so unprogressive as to let slip this splendid opportunity for a “fire-sale?’’

The Third Block had a Thomas cat, It warbled like Caruso. Till someone swung a base-ball bat, And now it doesn’t do so.