• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-8266
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume V
• Page Number:
• Date: 10 9 1918
• Tags:
• joke
• poetry
• inside joke

ITS OR FOULS

Of course you have a little Bond in your home.

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Did you ever guess that you can get a still earlier start by knocking at the door of opportunity?

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"Colonel" Jake says this war is not the most fearful struggle the world has ever seen, He says he once saw two Jew "stick- ups" trying to get a scotchman’s pay-envelope.

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Brother Campbell is certainly one kind- hearted man, he overheard a fellow saying that he was leading a regular dog’s llfe, and Joe went right off, and got him a couple of dog-biscuit.

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There’s at least one thing you should always put off until to-morrow, and that is to do the thing you shouldn’t do.

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Scientists tell us the human race is mov- ing steadily toward a goal of perfection, but there are some right in here who think every time they look in a mirror that that goal has been reached.

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"Whoa!" cries Tony, "this won’t do at all. You're three bars ahead of the rest of us."

"Don’t I know it!" replies the new recruit, "I told you I could play to beat the band!"

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We’re wearing our last year’s suit in here alright, but not even for our. Allies sake would we continue to wear it should we be freed.

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A good many of us in here seem to be more interested in getting our "bite," than in doing our "bit."

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We don’t have to listen to Jerry’s old organ; Tho on the Fifth Block we have a trom- bone, We’re safe out of range of Bill Barnes, and his cornet, But we can’t get away from the darn graghophone. With it’s old broken records, it’s out-of-date records. It’s worn-out records that nobody’ll own.

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"Wingie" — to disheartened new recruit — "You’re a fine soldier. Here I've taught you everytting I know, and you stand there and don’t know nothing!"