• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-8266
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume V
• Page Number:
• Date: 10 16 1918
• Tags:
• joke
• inside joke

HITS OR FOULS

Of course you have bought a Liberty Bond;

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Also, of course, you have caught the influenza;

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If you haved had any, or all, of these things, you will have 'em eventually, so why not now?

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"Stone walls do not a prison make" quoted the visitor, with intent to cheer.

"No?" queried Pete interestedly, "but they make so perfect an imitation, that not in twenty-three years can you tell the difference."

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One of our near neighbors has been enjoying poor Health for some time, but this morning he complained of feeling better.

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Searching for an item for this standard sheet we asked His Excellency, Rube, if he was doing any war-work, and he told us confidentially that his wife, and several of her friends, use him almost nightly to wind wool on.

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While in a temporarily defenceless state the other evening, somebody with a mis- taken sense of humor wished the Doctor on ~ us, and at his urgent solicitation we con- sented to dispose of a half-dozen pills—of the rotund, and corpulent variety. Well, we disposed of them. We, took three, and we gave the othor three to a poor but deserving ‘enemy of ours. The next morning we were well, but we’ve been wondering ever since ‘was it the three we took, or the three we didn’t take that did it!

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The monarch of the Bertillon Room, Tom Collins, was unvesting a new arrival, and candidate for the order of the bath.

tom -- disgustedly -- "Good gracious, man, but you're dirty!"

New Arrival -- sullenly -- "Well, I aint been back for two years, have I?"

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Inquisitive Inmate -- "What is it for dinner to-day, boss?"

Unsuspicious Overseer --= "It's bean soup."

I. I. -- "Never mind what it's been, boss,What is it now?"

-- We all have our faults, the real difference lies in whether we're proud of 'em, or ashamed of 'em.