• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-8266
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume V
• Page Number:
• Date: 10 30 1918
• Tags:
• joke
• inside joke

HITS OR FOULS

There's many a chap in here more polished than his shoes would indicate.

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WE have just been reading of a man who lived on onions alone; and it is our expert opinion that a man who lives on onions ought to live alone.

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We were suffering all last week from contusion of the integument under the orbit; with extravasion of blood; ecchymosis of the surrounding cellular tissue, which was in a tumefied state; and abrasion of the cuticle. All of which certifies that we had a black eye.

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Wifey - "John, htere's a burglar down stairs. He's in the pantry where all my pies are."

Hubby - "Well, do you expect me to get up this time of night and give him dyspepsia tablets?"

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It's all right to take things as they are; providing always that you make sure first that the're your own things.

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A casual onlooker in the yard might be pardoned for thinking our "army" much more addicted to the "sitting-down" than the "setting-up" exercise.

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Doc' -- "I don't like your heart action. Did you ever have any trouble with angine pectoris?"

New Arrival - "You're partly right, Doc. Only that weren't her right name."

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Did you ever notice how pleased you are at discovering some fault in another? Did you ever feel the same way about yourself?

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The other day when we found a needle in our soup, we knew at once that it was purely a typographical error: that it should have been a noodle.

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If ice-cream and oranges go with influenza, then that epidemic is going to find us in receptive mood.

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There are pleasant rumors that a canteen will soon be installed at "Camp Casey." Should this prove to be the case, we know one officer in particular who's going to be far more attentive to his military duties.