• Author: Unknown
• Editor: B-8266
• Newspaper: The Umpire volume V
• Page Number:
• Date: 11 6 1918
• Tags:
• joke
• inside joke
• racist

HITS OR FOULS The man who is all the time making new only advertising the fact that his ones are "on" to him. Jack -- "Why do they use knots on the instead of miles?" Jim—"So they can keep the ocean tide of course, idiot!" We are almost certain that the majority of our number believe honesty to be the best policy, but then so few of us insist on keep the premiums paid up. "What's your name?" deprecated Tom Collins to a new arrival to the E. S. P. "Well, boss," arrogated the son of Ham, "Pretty near everywhere ah goes, dey gives me a new one, but mah maiden name was Moses."Some of us are kept so very busy handing t advice, that we never one time to take our own medicine. Jake—"Did you ever hear the story of the two holes?" Pete—"No, what is it?" Jake—"Well! Well!" Pete—"Did you ever hear the story of the two men?" Jake—"What is it?" Pete—"He! He!"Apparently our relatives only remember the things we might have accomplished, but didn't.The Doctor had been called in haste to see small negro lad who was ill. After a brief examination the doctor announced, "This boy has eaten too much watermelon." "Oh, Doctor," expostulated the parent of the ailing one, dey ain't no sich thing as too much watahmilyun. Dat air pic'ninny jus' ain't got ‘nough c'pacity."Editor- "Did you ever read proof."Would-be Compositor- "No, who wrote it?"--Editor is assisted from the scene."A horse ran away with me once, and I wasn't out for three months," said the man on the coal-pile."That's nothing," remarked the man on the ground, "I ran away with a horse once, and I wasn't out for two years."